YET.... I am dreading him going out there. I don't want to be away from him for eight days. I worry something will hapen to the plane or to him on the plane. I worry that he will call and tell me he isn't coming back or that he got there too late. I worry that his mom will spew lies to him that he will believe... that when he comes back... we won't be the same. Hell... we won't no matter what... his mom is dying and he and I both know this will probably be the last time they see each other.
I think about all that and then I think about my mom and the flood gates open. Nearly five years later and I still ball because I miss her. And I can't talk to Hubby about it because I don't want to depress him.
So I do my best to put on a good face and be the obedient companion and it kills me.
We are actually staying in a hotel Thursday night because hubby's plane leaves so early in the morning. I am seriously considering us staying in a hotel the night he comes back so he can decompress and we can talk about his trip minus our familiar distractions. Again.... being the good wife... these past several months I feel have been all about getting him to AZ that I lost myself somewhere in the midst of it all and now I am afraid that I won't find me again. Is that selfish of me?
I am sitting outside right now... it is a full moon or at least I think it is... and I am hoping either the tears stop falling or that Hubby is sound asleep when I go back in so he doesn't see me this way. I don't want him to worry about me.
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